Me: *checking new card orders* Oh! L! Gossip.
Me: Tim ordered more Magic cards!
Me: Don't you know? He only got into Magic because of his boyfriend, and he broke up with his boyfriend, so why is he buying-
L: He and Steve broke up?!
Me: Yes, and he was selling all of his Magic cards to us because Steve was the only reason he got into it, so why would he be buying more unless-
Our boss: *overhears* He and Steve are back together.
Me and L: Really?!
Boss: Yeah, he took the advance I gave him for his cards and used it to go to Portland with Steve. He said it was just what they needed.
L and me: Aw....
(People in retail know more about your private lives than you think)
(Employees at my store sometimes get to open packs of Magic cards for the store, usually when we're trying to find a specific card. We can only open them when our boss gives permission, which is never as often as most of us would like, because opening packs is actually kind of fun. My coworker gave the best analogy I've heard in ages for the situation.)
Coworker A: [Our boss] doesn't just let us open up packs indiscriminately for the store. Otherwise we might get pack diabetes!
(<3 <3 <3)
Coworker B: *appears to be fighting off a migraine*
Me: "What's up?"
Coworker B: "A customer ordered a number of NM (near mint) cards from us."
Coworker B: "He's complaining that our nm cards are near mint, not mint.
(If it was just one card, okay. He's claiming three cards, one which we sent to him separately, were all not near mint. And wants store credit. Yeah, clearly not someone trying to rip us off.)
(Coworker B is currently trying to get our boss to fire her by never clocking in, or logging any hours that she works. Don't ask.)
Coworker B: "Okay, I'm gonna head out. Remember, I wasn't here."
Me: "So don't clock you in behind your back again."
Coworker B: "Right."
Coworker A: "Because you weren't ever actually here."
Coworker B: "Right!"
Me: "Because today's your day off."
Coworker B: "Exactly!"
Me: "Clock her in for two hours, or three?"
Coworker A: "Two, I think."
Me: "Cool. Coworker C, can you-"
Coworker C: "I was going to say four."
Me: "Let's go with three."
*Looking around for new psychiatrists and making a trial phone call*
Me: "Hi, I emailed you earlier?"
Her: "Oh, yes. I was a little confused by your name, and want to make sure I had it right?
Me: "Oh, right. Z is my real name, but I prefer to use Y, and sign most of my stuff ZY so people aren't so confused when I start using Y."
Her: "I see. So, how long have you been transitioning?"
Her: "I just want to make sure I'm using the pronoun you're most comfortable with. Do you prefer he or she?"
(Apparently if you call people in the metal health industry with a deep voice and a gender neutral nickname, assumptions are made. Only in Seattle).
*checking messages for Magic card shipments late Sunday night*
Me: *yelling from the front to be heard in the back* Hey T (my boss), we have a guy wanting to know why his order hasn't shipped yet.
T: *yells back* When was it placed?
T: What time?
Me: *checks* ....Saturday at one in the morning.
T: Fuck him!
H: Can you tell him it hasn't shipped because he touches himself? Please?
1. The weird one who starts crying if anyone yells at her, gets anxiety attacks, rarely wears shoes, likes dancing while typing on the front computer and reminding her boss or coworkers food is good. Somehow has the best self-preservation instincts of the entire store.
2. The one who doesn't understand she is allowed to stop and eat during her eight hour/twelve hour shift, and who thinks following orders from her boss means she can ignore the ones she thinks are stupid. Mildly autistic with a growing hatred of Magic players.
3. Neurotic Jewish boy who resembles an incontinent puppy currently trying to get legally emancipated from neurotic Jewish parents. Currently has a six hundred dollar Magic card debt with the store.
4. Easy-going tattooed one who keeps showing up functionally high or stoned, who owner hired and currently has a crush on after realizing 1. is essentially an asexual lesbian.
5. Live-action Eeyore impersonator nearing fifty who is convinced everything is ultimately meaningless.
6. Cousin of owner who wants to leave to finish school and become a physics teacher but as she's store-manager and 1-5 aren't good replacements for varying reasons, her attempts to leave have thus far been unsuccessful. Addicted to Red Bull and is codenamed Rutabaga.
Owner: Bisexual man who keeps hiring people based on whether he wants to sleep with them and/or they are crazy in manageable ways instead of going through the interviewing process. Averages two hours of sleep a night, one meal a day, and goes back to his apartment once every other week. Somehow knows and is friends with an implausible number of young, attractive women in relationships with other people that show up around midnight-two in the morning and watch movies with him in the backroom. No, not 'watch movies'. Watch movies. No, seriously.
....can someone please tell me why no one's making a webcomic of my workplace?
So, turns out working full-time is exhausting. Who knew.
It's even more exhausting when you're trying to manage your own business on the side. Admittedly a small business, but one which still meant on my 'days off' I would work anywhere from one to ten hours on jewelry, or drive sixty miles to set up a consignment. I've switched to a four/ten schedule instead of a five/eight, which should help. The holiday rush being over also will.
So that's what I've been up to. Sorry I haven't been on lately, I've just been exhausted.
I am the only person I know who accidentally wanders into a full-time job. Especially when I wasn't looking. *confused*
On a sad note, had to drop my jewelry class because of the above. Time management skills are not something I'm known for having, and this is a class I want to be able to devote my full attention to.
Back to making earrings for the convention I thought was in two weeks that is actually this weekend while ignoring my burgeoning carpal tunnel/tendonitis.