Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

somehow this is my life

The staff:
1. The weird one who starts crying if anyone yells at her, gets anxiety attacks, rarely wears shoes, likes dancing while typing on the front computer and reminding her boss or coworkers food is good. Somehow has the best self-preservation instincts of the entire store.

2. The one who doesn't understand she is allowed to stop and eat during her eight hour/twelve hour shift, and who thinks following orders from her boss means she can ignore the ones she thinks are stupid. Mildly autistic with a growing hatred of Magic players.

3. Neurotic Jewish boy who resembles an incontinent puppy currently trying to get legally emancipated from neurotic Jewish parents. Currently has a six hundred dollar Magic card debt with the store.

4. Easy-going tattooed one who keeps showing up functionally high or stoned, who owner hired and currently has a crush on after realizing 1. is essentially an asexual lesbian.

5. Live-action Eeyore impersonator nearing fifty who is convinced everything is ultimately meaningless.

6. Cousin of owner who wants to leave to finish school and become a physics teacher but as she's store-manager and 1-5 aren't good replacements for varying reasons, her attempts to leave have thus far been unsuccessful. Addicted to Red Bull and is codenamed Rutabaga.

Owner: Bisexual man who keeps hiring people based on whether he wants to sleep with them and/or they are crazy in manageable ways instead of going through the interviewing process. Averages two hours of sleep a night, one meal a day, and goes back to his apartment once every other week. Somehow knows and is friends with an implausible number of young, attractive women in relationships with other people that show up around midnight-two in the morning and watch movies with him in the backroom. No, not 'watch movies'. Watch movies. No, seriously.

....can someone please tell me why no one's making a webcomic of my workplace?



( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 5th, 2012 01:48 pm (UTC)
Hrm... part of this reminds me of Shortpacked, back when I read it a million years ago, but yeah, there's just enough that you might just have to Rule 35 this.
Feb. 11th, 2012 06:14 am (UTC)
yeah, I was reading Control Alt Delete, primarily because I'm trying to understand why it has such a hatedom, and then suddenly I realize my life is as dysfunctional and crazy as a webcomic. Like the time I left work to go kill two chickens, came back with blood splattered on me, and did my taxes while managing the counter. I mean, this is my life and it's crazy and it's utterly ruining me for any future retail experience.

...I cannot draw well enough but I am collecting anecdotes like *mad*. One of my coworkers had a break-up worthy of Jerry Springer. We're talking brought up new girlfriend pregnant with a kid she claimed was his but wasn't to live with old girlfriend level.
Feb. 5th, 2012 11:14 pm (UTC)
Clearly that is your calling, Ari-chan; take notes and find an artist, quick! Your job sounds pretty fun, if only for the people : ).
Feb. 11th, 2012 06:16 am (UTC)
It's completely ruining me for all retail experiences. I mean, I left work to kill chickens, came back splattered in blood, and no one blinked. And I get to walk around barefoot and order Chinese food with my boss and not show up for work until four in the afternoon. And I get to make earrings and sell them through one of our distributors.

I cannot draw well. I think I will post up little tidbits, bit by bit, to explain the madness.
Feb. 12th, 2012 07:40 pm (UTC)
You know, I think you've found your place, or at least a place where the puzzle piece fits. No more sitting in the cold selling your beautiful jewelry to people who don't appreciate hand crafts as much as they should unless you want to.

I will look forward to anicdodes, or however you spell that. Short amusing true stories that highlight the crazy awesomeness of your new job.

Ah, man, and we haven't talked in forever. Did I tell you I got into an actual college, as in four-year-in-another-year-I-will-have-a-Bachler's? Slowly but steadily I am getting there! I love it so far, the people are awesome; I'm meeting a lot of bikers (as in people who ride bicycles cross country and have wheel-turning powered LED lights so cars don't run them over in the dark). I am hoping to get an actual bike soon, too. If I can find a way to transport it from home to college, as my friend is getting rid of hers. Hard to bike in a vertical neighborhood, you know?

One of these days I will get on AIM again. Until then, I'm just glad to see you posting something now and again!! Not that I'm actually any better, haha. It's really good to know you're doing well and comfortable in your life :). I hope it continues as such, for you and your (no doubt hoard) of adorable cats.
Feb. 10th, 2012 04:17 pm (UTC)
I was about to say... :P And I agree with rosethorn, you should start writing skits if nothing else. It sounds like fun experience to draw from.
Feb. 11th, 2012 06:18 am (UTC)
Look at my previous two respones. My job is crazy and almost all of it I love. It's just admittedly a really weird retail experience and it's spoiling me for future retail work.
Feb. 11th, 2012 06:18 am (UTC)
and :P back, you.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )